Sunday, 27 November 2011

Depression and Living without Medication and taking the chance to be truly honest.



Living this illness of depression and anxiety IS NOT EASY, LET ME TELL YOU THAT FOR STARTERS….



I put on the mask of a brave face, tell those close to me I’m coping when I inside a voice screams back ‘no your not, stop lying’.
I do it because I don’t want to feel defeated, again, like I did before when I had the nervous/emotional breakdown. I do it because in a way it does help me stay strong, but in another way – a NOT GOOD way, it’s hiding from the truth, letting it simmer to boil and eventually I know I will explode.

Not many can see through the mask I wear, at times my partner Mr M can, other times I’m hiding it so well even he can’t tell…

Recently I wrote a blog about not having negativity in my life, ( No one needs negativity ) and though I do find it easy to not be negative, also turn a negative into a positive, I’m still prepared to admit sometimes those down and desperate feelings leave me powerless to control. I sit wondering why I feel the way I do not finding answers and therefore letting myself be carried away with how I feel.
There is only one thing that will pull me out of it all in an instant and that’s my daughter MissK, all she has to do is smile, giggle innocently or even be able to tell I’m not myself, give me a hug and a kiss and let me feel her love.

What pulls you out of those feelings you don’t want to be having, but are indeed having???

Being pregnant (13weeks as I type this) doesn’t make it ALL any easier, hormones are raging and I have fund moods harder to get a grasp on. I was on medication and made the decision about 8 months ago now, that I didn’t want to be anymore, I finally felt like I could do/face it all without it. I do not regret my decision at all but at times I do have to be honest enough with myself to admit it certainly was easier, BUT I mist also try more to tell myself I can do it without medication and trust in that!
Whilst writing this blog I have been listening to piano and violin music, oh how it takes me away from all that I’m feeling, uplifts me and brings me back to planet earth feeling at peace J

I say to myself right now and to all those reading, Tomorrow is another day, a new day with new adventures EMBRACE and SMILE, and I will do my to as-well.



~An inspiring bloggers BLOG I read today ~ My Mummy Daze 
and
a most entertaining and honest blogger who loves wine as much as me and is drinking for me as well right now because I can't and well of course because I care to much to get this baby drunk LOL ~ Parental Parody


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