I remember waking for the umptenth time to relieve my bladder it was
around 11pm from memory (and please bear with me as I am writing this 2
1/2 years on some parts are more difficult to remember then others).
There is a part of me that will always be thankful I turned the light
on, As many a time at night I don’t bother to. Something that night
made me, What I saw, will always be a scaring memory in my mind. I
looked down to see blood, I was almost 31 weeks pregnant….
I ran into our bedroom and my partner MrM, waking him whilst on
autopilot grabbing the phone, finding and dialing the hospitals number. I
remember feeling like i couldn’t breath yet reminding myself to stay
calm and talk calmly to the lady on the other end of the phone ,
Instructed to head to the hospital, I didn’t have a care in the world
for anything other then to run out of that door and just go.
We lived 40 minutes away from Coffs Harbour Hospital at the time, A
car ride has never felt as long as that one did… I sat in silence, I
cried but mostly I rubbed my belly and begged in silent prayer that she
was alright, that nothing would happen to her.
We got to the maternity ward and i was strapped up to the monitors, I
held my breath when she got out the little machine to listen to the
heartbeat I squeezed the hell out of MrM’s hand and I cried shear relief
like never before when I heard her heartbeat, They left me on the
monitor for a while in the end it came to them not being able to figure
out why I was bleeding and they sent me home saying if it got worse it
had not stop by the next day to come back.
I barely slept, to wake to it being a whole hell of a lot worse, I
told MrM i wanted to go back to hospital, what happened next is a blur
in my mind this is because I was simply so scared, my first pregnancy.
They gave me stuff to stop contractions, that I can’t even remember
feeling, in an instant someones walking in and telling me I’m going to
be flown to Newcastle’s John Hunter hospital as Coffs Hospital is not
set up to deliver babies under 36weeks. They gave me steroids for my
baby girls lungs in-case she was to be born, There was no room for MrM
on the flight I will always be very thankful to the helpful nurse who
attended to me on the flight. This was the first time in my life I had
been on a plane, and I did not react well to it, from take off to
landing I vomited non stop.
MrM made his way down in the car, frustratingly I had to wait 3 days
after being in hospital there at John Hunter to get an ultrasound and
maybe some more answers as to why I was still bleeding, and having a lot
tightening s and small barely noticeable contractions. The ultrasound
could only tell us that our girl was small, but did not find any of
reason for all that was happening. There was discussion on what to do,
the outcome if I could stop bleeding and not bleed for a couple of days
etc, I would go home and be closely monitored, but just when I thought
that was all going to happen…
Oh dear, cause it started again, and I felt a lot more pain this
time, nurses and doctors reacted quickly shipping me down to
maternity/delivery ward saying I needed to be more closely monitored I
was scared as, 32 weeks like any mother would, all I could think was my
baby can’t come now it’s to early!
They gave me morphine to help with the pain and to get me to get some
sleep cause in all truth I was tired but I just couldn’t switch off, I
woke to such pain, they rushed in with a portable ultrasound/heartbeat
machine, i wanted to scream at how long it took for the heartbeat to be
found, and it wasn’t just a case of it feeling like a long time. From
what I can gather they spent the night closely monitoring me i did get
some sleep.
With my partner MrM in coffs harbour, having to have had to go back
for work commitments, what I go through next was even harder that MrM
wasn’t given the chance to make it n time to be there for me and for his
daughters birth. Oh if only more hospitals could be set up for earlier
deliveries so we didn’t have to be apart from our loved ones that keep
us strong through these times of such a test of our strength. I was
always feel blessed and thankful my sister could be there for me and for
her nieces birth.
Doc walked in and simply said ” we can’t put the baby or you under
any more stress So we’re going to break a your waters and induce you,
and only if needed you’ll have to go in for a c-section”. which was good
cause I remember saying “don’t you dare cut me unless you have to”, I
had always had the opinion women are meant to have birth the natural
way, and well especially if they can, I knew I always wanted to.
All that happens next, happened so so fast and this is the part that
really is a blur and I can only remember snippets, yes makes me feel
sad. I believe I was in such shock at it all happening so fast i just
didn’t get a chance to absorb any of it, I called MrM he was in that car
before we hung up practically, but I think we both knew he never make
it in time being 5 hours away. I held my sisters hand as they broke my
waters and started giving me the inducing drug, I remember a
conversation about pain relief, waiting seeing what I can handle try
this first etc etc, My back was killing me it was all in my back and the
contractions were so intense. Started sucking on the gas, but felt it
didn’t do much at all other than in the end send me into that area where
I freaked out should probably have kept sucking on the gas but didn’t. I
remember saying I wanted something else, something stronger they
explained they would check to see how far along I was and take it from
there .. Well of course I was 8cm dilated and all I heard next was
“darling it’s to late you’ll be pushing any minute now and can”, Then
before I knew it I felt that almightly urge to push. After what felt
like an eternity to me, but was told later it wasn’t that long at all,
and that main big part of her birth consisted of only something like
four big long pushes and she was here J
I got the briefest glance at her before they whisked her over to the
examination area, she let out a cry and my heart rushed with love. After
checking her etc, I got a very small chance to say Hi and she was off
to the nicu. I waited for her Daddy and my partner to arrive before
going to Nicu wanting us to experience that together feeling so sad at
his loss of not making it there in time.
We went in, it was so daunting, seeing all those humidicribs
everywhere the tiny babies. I tried to listen to the nurse speaking to
us and take in everything she was saying but it was so hard. After going
through the process of washing hands and learning all of that we were
taken to her, I cried tears of joy and tears of sadness all at the same
time, My precious child here in front of me was so so tiny, I will admit
it took me about 2 weeks to actually comprehend and really wrap my head
around her being premature, how little she was . Nothing can explain
the feeling of the waves of people nonstop commenting that one line
“she’s so tiny”.
She stayed at John Hunter Nicu for a month in the end before a bed
was finally free at our towns hospital of Coffs Harbour, she was 36
weeks, they we’re happy to have taken her at 34 weeks with the progress
she had been making, that she had no health issues, and was only on cpap
for a very short time. She did go under the jaundice light a couple of
times, That didn’t worry me, having the nurses communicating well on
what premmie babies may experience more than a full term baby and one of
them being the jaundice.
I’ll admit it was a frustrating time day after day waiting to see if
there was a free bed for her in coffs harbour, MrM had to go back to
coffs to work as his job at the time was casual and we were losing money
fast. It was a struggle at first finding accommodation as we were a one
income family, I was very fortunate to have a room free up in the
ronald mcdonald house right near the hospital, and am thankful at how
much easier that did make things. A month there felt like honestly about
3, I couldn’t have been happier at the news of a flight home for us and
a bed for MissK, it all matched up and we landed in Coff’s. MissK was
there in coffs harbour hospital for another couple of weeks before
finally reaching 3kg and coming home with us. As a premature baby the
health issues she has suffered from are, Very bad reflux for the first
year and a half. She otherwise has been behind a bit but has still met a
lot of her milestones and is now an extremely talkative 2 ½ yr old, and
shows in leaps and bounds that she is quite mind smart.
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