More on MissK

What I went through, even though MissK was in perfect health was horrendous, I know any other parent who has had to leave their child behind in hospital over and over would agree 100% it is such a confusing burden to carry when all you have thought through-out your entire pregnancy is, I’ll go to hospital have the baby and come home.

I remember getting quite angry at people telling me I was suffering the baby blues, yes maybe in part I was, but I wanted recognition for how tough this journey of my baby being in NICU was, and truthfully I don’t feel I really got that from the hospital.
It was a tough time mostly because MrM couldn’t be with us, working as a casual chef at the time there was no sick pay, no holidays, none of that to speak of. He had to be there earning the money and keeping the roof over our heads etc. So thankful that indeed I had landed in the town my sister lived in and the town we had moved from a few years previously and thankful for some friends and to this day very very thankful for the friends I made in hospital and kept, as two of them are now my best friends J
To this day I’m still not quite sure just how I made it through, I guess the only answer is I had to! I would hold it all in when I was with MissK doing all her “cares” and feeds, I stayed strong through wanting to be breastfeeding mother.  When I was left all alone to myself, I would cry, every time I was alone the emotion would just come spilling forth.  I’d get mad at myself feeling the pressure of having to not stress, not wanting to affect my milk supply but I just couldn’t help but cry.

My spirits were lifted when finally a bed was free for her at our hometown hospital there was a slight change in me just to know I would be with MrM and we could support one another through it all, though tiring an hours round trip to the hospital combined with the breast feeding meant a need to be there for every feed. I became very worn out with days of MrM working and me having to fill in so much time outside of the hospital, I found in the end all I was doing was expressing for night feeds & sleeping in the gaps. Patience was slowly becoming my enemy and yet I knew I had witnessed other mothers with babies in hospital for so much longer then MissK and with heart-breaking problems, still I couldn’t help but lose my patience I wanted her home I wanted that part to start. Life is crazy enough with a newborn but throw in going back and forth to the hospital everyday balancing it with the fact that MrM had to drive me as I don’t have a license due to the mental illness issues and well simply not being able to cope with driving on roads, staying at my grandparents overnight at times to make it easier on MrM schedule, which meant I had to be away from him even more.

2 weeks at that hospital honestly felt like 2months and you bet nothing could wipe the smile off my face the day we left that hospital with her in our arms ready as all hell to take her home and truly start our lives as a family of 3.

It wouldn’t be long until I would hit another major speed-hump in my life and a ride on a rollercoaster no one ever wants to take part in … Please stayed tune for my next blog ‘Major dental = kidney failure = my nervous breakdown…